Birth Order

Our church has been viewing Dr. Kevin Lehman's DVD Series, "Value-Based Parenting" on Sunday nights over the past two months. Last Sunday night was the session on Birth Order.

Birth Order is fun to think about and to recognize. I do see it play out in some families. For example, our two oldest grandchildren exhibit alot of the traits. Our granddaughter is very conscientious, concerned about doing everything right and well, and is interested in academic achievement at five years old. Her brother is her opposite. He resists abiding by the rules, isn't really interested in learning his ABC's and would much rather run and play than sit still to learn. Their mother (a first-born achiever) will have to learn to adopt her home-school teaching to meet his learning style. Handing him worksheets will not work for him like it does for her daughter. There will need to be lots of hands-on learning with games and motor-skill activities.

In considering birth order, I think about my siblings and me. I'm the baby of the family....but I don't think I exhibit the traits of a baby of the family. I have always been an academic achiever; I want to obtain my "A's" in my courses; I want to be the best, brightest employee in my area; and I typically achieve these goals. I am rarely a comedian or attention getter. I would rather blend into the background than draw attention to myself.

Yet, I think back to my early childhood. I was a precocious child. I was a flirt with both boys and men. I had no qualms about climbing onto a man's lap to get his attention. I had boyfriends as a pre-schooler and throughout all of my early elementary years. I loved to be teased by men and boys.

I'm not like that anymore. I am very reserved around men -- even ones that I've known literally all my life. So what happened to change my outgoing personality? I was abused by actions and words.

There are four distinct incidents from my child/teen/early adult years that have left me emotionally scarred and, I believe, altered my personality. The childhood one stripped my innocence and robbed me of my comfort around men. The two incidents from my teen years affected my self-esteem, creating a life-long struggle with how I view myself. The final one from my early adult taught me that drawing attention to myself was a bad idea and should be quashed.

In each of these situations, the people who affected my life so profoundly were professing Christians. I'm studying Ephesians 4 this week. This text talks about building up the body of Christ by our words and actions. "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen....Be kind and compassionate to one another." Instead of building up, the four incidents tore me down.

In reflecting on these verses and my life, what a practical lesson these verses are to me! I have personal knowledge of what can happen when someone does not obey this instruction. I need to be more conscientious of how my words and actions can affect others, and I need to live out the verses in my words and actions.

Next post: March Madness