"Two"sday's Musings

Day Two of reading Galatians Two! Verse Two stuck out to me today. Paul wrote, "I went in response to a revelation and set before them the gospel that I preach among the Gentiles. But I did this privately....for fear that I was running or had run my race in vain."

Paul went up to Jerusalem to meet with the leaders and to explain to them about his ministry to the Gentiles. His trip to Jerusalem was motivated by a "revelation." I would think a divine revelation would make one feel very confident that God was using you. However, Paul seemed to be struggling with insecurity. He met with the leaders in private because he didn't want to be humiliated if they determined that his ministry was not Spirit led. He was afraid of the leader's response to his ministry.

Thinking about my life, how often am I afraid of others' response to me? If I'm being honest with myself, I have to answer, "A Lot!" For example, even though I knew that I needed some type of accountability in my life, I was afraid to start a blog. What would others say or think about me?

Insecurity often keeps me from "sharing my heart" -- if I tell you something personal, there is a potential that you might not keep my confidence or you might think less of me. That's a risk I'm not ready to take; so I close off myself.

Insecurity often prevents me from trying new things -- I might fail while someone is watching me. I tried using the Wii gaming systems a few years ago, playing with my kids. I was TERRIBLE -- by far, I was the worst player in the group. I didn't like failing at Wii. I experienced humiliation and ridicule. And since that day, I politely decline any invitation to play Wii. I'll let somebody else play instead. While I sound polite on the outside, in reality, internally, I'm adamantly refusing to play. I won't play because I'm afraid of failing again.

Oh, insecurity.....why don't you just leave and never return?

Yet, as I ponder my weakness of insecurity, I am reminded of the promise of 2 Corinthians 12:9, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Hebrews 11 has a couple of my favorite examples of insecure people who are listed as heroes of the faith: Moses and Gideon. God can and does use insecure people to do his ministry. He used Paul, Moses, and Gideon. Today's passage in Galatians Two was a good reminder to me that despite my insecurities, God can use me, Too.

The number of my followers has doubled in one week -- instead of one follower, I have twice as many -- a whole Two!! ("Hi, Alyssa!") At this rate, I'll have..............hmm.......what is 52!? I don't know, but that's a lot of followers! I rather doubt this rate of increase will continue!

My next blog is going to be about the last section of Galatians Two: "What are You Talking About Paul?"